It’s the “Old Notebooks” series, where I read back through the fantasy stories I wrote as a kid and mock myself mercilessly in order to mitigate my mortification!
PREVIOUSLY IN THE “SCRIGGLY” NOTEBOOK: Welp, #Jorbert was just unjustly jossed, and I’m still grieving the loss of my OTP. My beautiful darling Robert apparently met the Slinky’s daughter Miranda, who it seems has a serious case of being a Hot Daughter to an Ugly Guy, and they instantly fell in love. Or at least, Jordan seems to think so. But alas! once everyone gets back to Atlantis City, the lovers shall be separated because… um? I think because Miranda’s a Duchess, for some reason? Or something? I guess? IDK. Also, Jordan was bored by the devastation of the floods, we found out that Ana speaks Jordan’s language, and Slinky gave Jordan the stink-eye, prompting Jordan to call him “the devil.” What could possibly happen next? Let’s find out!
September 20,10,223 B.C. – Wednesday
I haven’t written in awhile. I’ve been very busy. People come in everyday to ride their horses, including the royal family.
People are riding the royal family?
OH MY FREAKING GOD, will you stop it with that?! We get it! She likes him. You don’t have to keep on doing that thing where she writes his name and then crosses it out and rewrites it with “prince” on the front. It’s not clever. Just stop.
Ugh. Sorry if I sound grumpy. I’m just still feeling bitter about #Jorbert.
Prince Alex has a new horse he called Sandy.
I have to keep the horses, stables, and tack clean and ready for people all the time. I’m
teachiteaching Isabel how to do all this. She’s still a little weak from the pneumonia, but she’s much better.
Prince Alex is very nice.
“OK, listen, Diary—I’m just gonna come clean here. Pretty much all I ever think about is getting in this boy’s royal pants. (They’re black leather, y’know, all tight up around his bum (which is also veeeeerrrrrryyyy nice…). And in the front, well… let’s just say there’s not much left to the imagination. You ever seen David Bowie in Labyrinth, Diary? Yeah, you know what I mean.) Anyway, uh… what we were talking about?”
Princess Sarai and Queen Eleanor are the only nice women in the family.
WOW. All right, Jordan: you’re too timid to call the I.S.P. by just his name, or to be more vocal about how badly you obviously want to snog him… and yet you’re not the least bit hesitant about trash-talking the princesses in your diary? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Also, since you specifically pointed out the women, are we just to assume then that all the men in the family are awesome by default? Or do we not get to pass broad judgments on men unless they look like rodents and have suspicious-sounding names?
Oh! Hey there, Philip the Snob. Almost forgot about you.